Chapter Four, in which the narrator figures a thing or two out.

Chapter Four, in which the narrator figures a thing or two out.  
When last we left the Fish(es) (s)He was looking for a half water half beer, and having to teach a New Jerseyan how to peel potatoes. “first of all”, Taylor mused almost to himself(herself) “you don’t use a shoe.(now to The Manager) Second, and just as important, was that one of mine?” as it turns out, Taylor only wears one shoe at a time, as (s)he locomotes on a skate board and has a shoe on a stick gondola style. The Manager, ashamed to admit that yes, it was in fact, Taylor's shoe, runs. which is very rude, considering that the manager not only had one of Taylor's shoes, but had just used it to beat the bartender over the head, rendering him unconscious, and thus incapable of serving Taylor a half and half. Taylor, who at this point has had enough of this nonsense, leaves and tries to attempt to rejoin her comrades Ms. Moose and senor Canada.  This proves more difficult than originally anticipated, because, as those of you who have read the previous chapter will know, Senor Canada and Ms Moose are busy trying to fight off a dude in a moose costume who has very little to do with the story.  Taylor goes off in search of Senor Canada, trying to remember the locations of all the country friendly bars in the city.  The only one that comes to mind is a bad honky tonk just the other side of the county line.  Taylor the Fish realizes that this a really far way away to travel on a skate board.  Suddenly, and without forethought from the narrator, The original Ms Moose comes flying through the wall. Taylor the Fish is all sorts of confused, and realizes that Bar #1 was on the county line, and was right next door the the aforementioned honky tonk. Following Ms Moose back into the fracas, Taylor realizes that (s)he does in fact, only exist in the mind of a delusional 20 year old suffering from sleep deprivation. during the meta moment, the narrator uses the resulting confusion to catch The Boy Taylor trying to switch places with Girl Taylor, who is having Emo Kid Levels of confusion and existential angst. Indulge if you will the narrator, who needs to take a moment to straighten out his creation.  
Narrator:Hey!
Taylor: holy crap, what did you do to My sister?
Narrator: she is having a moment of existential angst.  I'll edit it out on one condition.
Taylor: ANYTHING!!! just make her happy again
Narrator:Quit switching places. I'm tired of having to write this story gender neutral.  
Taylor:OK. But we Both get to be in the story from here on out.
Narrator:Deal. Your new name is now Geoffrey.
Geoffrey(formerly Taylor):OK. You win. Now how are you going to fix my sister?
Narrator: simple. watch this.[the following has been submitted in red pen, which is used to denote a change which supersedes the indicated sentence(s)-ED]  
Following Ms Moose back into the Fracas, Taylor realizes that her abuse of the narrator has been petty and small, and seeks to make it right. She calls her brother and says "Taylor, this needs to stop." Boy Taylor says "I know. From Here on out, my name is Geoffrey". To which Taylor replied, "Good Name Geoff. Now, let's go kick some zombie butt."[end revision-ED] Geoffrey replied, Wait! we can't. The Manager has our Butt Kicking shoe"(diminished chord)
OH No! What will happen to our intrepid travelers? after all this work getting back together? what will happen? and will Ms Moose Ever get a drink?
We might find out in chapter 5, we might not. Stay Tuned.

Chapter 3, in which Ms Moose and Canada might finally find a drink. (or not. im not sure yet)

Ms. Moose promptly replied to Canada and the copper pipe “BRAINS!”
to which Copper Pipe replied “.... --- .-.. -.-- / -.-. .-. .- .--. / .- / --.. --- -- -... .. . !” [Holy Crap a zombie!-ed] Canada is, at this point terribly confused, because, it being cold for most of his life (blah blah blah i know, parts of Canada get warm{ish}during the summer, i don’t care I'm basing this on my high school physics teacher who was from Iqaluit, and he said it never got above 50 Fahrenheit) has never seen a zombie. to make matters worse, he still only knows the first half of the Morse alphabet, and the first syllable of “zombie”is comprised of letters he doesn’t know (for some reason he learned numbers first, i use half liberally). Copper pipe has to spell it out for him, using only letters that appear before “m” The copper pipe, tired from having to beat what the narrator imagines is it’s head on the floor, taps out this pattern “-.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-..” [kill, repeated-ED] Canada finally figures it out and whips out his trusty weapon of choice, a duck whistle and calls all the ducks to him, as is his nature.  the ducks flock to Ms Moose, who as it turns out, was merely Ms Moose’s evil twin MECHA RUSSEL BRAND who as it turns out was really just some dude who has nothing to do with the Story, he just put on a moose costume. Ms Moose stepped out during the break in the narration, thinking she had time to visit the little moose’s room. She was sadly mistaken. while we wait for Ms. moose to return, let’s check back in on Taylor.  (you know what, I'm going to break the fourth wall for a moment.
Narrator:Hey Taylor!
Taylor: what’s up narrator?
Narrator:How do i tell Boy Fishes apart from girl fishes? I really wish i could tell.
Taylor:it’s simple, Boy fishes have boy names, and Girl Fishes have girl names.
Narrator:but...Taylor... could go either way?
Taylor:That’s what she said.
Narrator:So, which are you?
Taylor:We’re fraternal twins who switch places when you aren’t looking.  ther’s one of each of us
Narrator:OK...really? i should have seen this one coming.
(the narrator is so confused he just kind of trails off here.  it picks right back up in chapter four. -ED)
note from the narrator: it’s OK. it’s going to be OK. it’s all going to be OK.  you couldn’t have seen that coming. it’s not like you created the characters. (the rest is too smudged with what i assume are tears)

What has become of the Bartender? What about The Manager? will our intrepid Taylor(s) ever get his(her[their]) half and half? find out next time.

a twitter update that spawned a (decreasingly) short story

Chapter two
when last we left our heroes, the narrator was having an ADD moment and a flash of bigotry guilt. The Fish (whose  name is Taylor, which only adds to the narrator’s confusion of gender) had just ordered a “half and half, hold the hot sauce”.  Taylor was wondering what was taking so long for a simple watered down beer, hopped out of his(her? still not sure here) fishbowl and went back to pay a visit to the bartender at the Old #1 (the new #1 was being built around the corner, but kept mysteriously catching on fire). What (s)he saw, (s)he could not comprehend. the manager was trying to peel potatoes, but, being from new jersey, was having a time of it. The Bartender was trying to teach the manager how, using only double entendres. The manager was becoming more and more frustrated with The Bartender, (although, when The Manager hired The Bartender, she was aware of this odd speech impediment). Then Taylor the fish says “get out of my way, im part irish, this is genetic”(something the narrator has to say to his roommate at least once a month, regardless of the presence of potatoes).  The narrator, who has grown weary of typing about a fish whose gender he can’t ascertain(a fact he continues to feel bad about[maybe he should just ask the fish how to tell-ED]) decides that this would be a good point to switch back to Ms. Moose and Senor Canada.  They had just walked into the bar at which the copper pipe had found himself, who at this point was helping a frat boy shotgun beer. Our intrepid heroes throw open the swinging doors (only to realize that they are spring loaded) and promptly are hit in their respective faces. after that bit of schadenfreude, the copper pipe comes up to them and says “.-- . .-.. .-.. / .... . -.-- / - .... . .-. . / .. / -.. .. -.. -. .----. - / . -..- .--. . -.-. - / - --- / ... . . / -.-- --- ..- / --. ..- -.-- ... / ... --- / ... --- --- -.” (duh he would talk in Morse code, copper pipes don’t have mouths. also he moves by bending himself into various shapes, i guess. use your imaginations) [translation “well hey there i didn't expect to see you guys so soon”-ED] Ms moose starts to reply when she realizes that she doesn’t know morse code. She turns to Canada, who only knows the first half of the morse alphabet, having used up his thirty days on the free trial. he takes a stab at it, and gets it right. Ms. Moose says we’re sorry we told you to get bent. Canada (and the narrator for that matter) finally gets that, and again, doubles over laughing. Ms moose, who has been on several adventures with Canada, smacks him upside the head with her hoof. (moose have hooves, right? im not sure anymore).
To hear the reply, you will have to wait for part three.

a twitter update that spawned a short story

A Moose, Canada, a copper tube, and a 17 year old fish walk into a bar. The bartender says "the fish can stay, but i dont want the rest of your kind here." So, the moose and Canada tell the copper tube to go get bent, (because canada can't tell male moose apart from female moose, and is too polite to swear in front of what he assumes is a lady) and go off to find some cheap thrills. Canada suggests  a hockey game, but the moose will have none of it. (As it turns out, it was a female moose, and apparently girl moose don't like hockey). the moose then suggests that they find another bar, and Canada is all wait, you can talk? at this point the moose is a little frustrated, because she wants to get her drink on.  The Moose says "yes i can talk, but then again, you are canada, so yeah. Maple syrup or something. pretend i said a joke."  Then, Canda, who is all sorts of unshakeable, and very polite, pretends that the moose said a really funny joke, and doubles over laughing.  The moose is at this point, terribly confused, and even more thirsty.  She proceeds to verbally berate Canada, and then the two go looking for a bar. at the next one they find Mr Copper pipe, who is very busy imbibing beer and sharing it with the frat boy behind him.  at this point, the narrator grows weary of the antics of  Ms. Moose and Senor Canada, switches the tale back to the 17 year old fish (who shall remain genderless because the narrator can't tell fish genders, and feels like a horrible bigot for it) and we find him in bar #1(a title that explains the snobbiness regarding countries and large mammals) drinking tap water mixed with beer. (fishes are light weights.) fish then says to the bartender "hi" can i get another half and half, this time hold the hot sauce"

WHat will become of our noble group of intrepid souls searching for a good time?
tune in next time to find out.

Fear

Yesterday I put up two of the best mixes of my career. I'm not just saying that because I think that I am awesome. I say that because for the first time in months, people came up to me and said so. Usually, they go up to Louis and tell him that everything sounded good, and I hear it second-hand. Then in CR I had even more people comment the mix. Here's the thing though. I was exhausted. not just tired, Exhausted. This got me thinking. It took me a while, but i figured it out. In my exhaustion, i was too tired to care. I had lost the fear of failure. yesterday should have sounded like crap. It didn't, because i wasn't afraid to suck. When we lose that fear, we achieve amazing results. But by losing that fear, we leave ourselves open to pride. I don't have it figured out, but if i don't get it down I'm gonna lose it.

More good stuff here Kids

Ok, so you know those big pencils and big crayons and big magic markers you used in Kindergarten and First grade, and maybe second if you felt like it? well, i never could use those, i had to use normal everything,because I am in fact awesome. Or it could be because of this








Glad i could help.

Faces in Places

So, i have this habit of seeing faces in inanimate objects. It's kind of debilitating. So, to cope i find things that i see to have a face and i put "finishing touches" on them. So i set out with some scrap paper and a sharpie, and I put a face on a copier


A Jacob Sanders-worthy pun

Then there was the video Camera

"Hey Doc, does this look bad to you?"
then the Doctor says "HOLY SHNIKES what is a cyclops doing in my office?"

and then I said to myself "Wait a tic, (because when i do faux-art stuff like this i speak Brit) I have Photoshop." so i started photoshoping them. Here they are, in their glory.


This one I was all 'cheer up emo kid'



Look at this guy. He has no idea where he is or how he got there, but he is all sorts of excited about doling out coffee



Not a face, so much as something i have wanted to so since i came on staff


This is the face of an inanimate object that loves his job.


This guy's all "Wait, is something on my face? Get it off! GET IT OFF!"

I think I'm happier with the paper ones, but that was work.