Adventures in the Mundane

When Last we left our heroes something something something clever triple entendre

2011-06-01T10:15:00.000-05:00

As the twins roll up to the fray, they realize that Mecha Russel Brand is actually a shape shifter. “HOLY MOOSE!” Taylor proclaims. As Geoff is trying to figure out how Taylor inserted a fully formed exclamation point into actual conversation, MRB(short for Mecha Russel Brand) transforms into………….something. it is without description. It had two heads. at least three fully formed noses per face. Seventeen Ears. So many ears. Oh God WHY THE EARS! And , if it were inside out or something, where it’s heart would be, A POTATO! (musical crescendo). Taylor Realizes that this is her time to shine, and instructs Geoff to row faster. So much faster in fact, that they manage to create a rift in time. We wont hear from them until i feel like it again. that is, assuming they went forward in time. [The Editorial staff has officially lost the ability to determine which scribbles are plot notes for the editor, and which are actual narration. - ED.] as everyone stares dumbfounded, MRB shape shifts back into his original form (a guy in a moose costume who has nothing to do with the story.) [Wait, what? - ED] as things begin to settle down, Canada, being slow on the uptake, regains his duck call in a heroic battle with the floor, who had enlisted the help of Gravity to thwart our stalwart Nation. But before he can call for more ducks, (the original swarm having gotten bored and flown off looking for a drink), Ms. Moose thwacks the whistle out of Canada’s hand with a loud THWACK. Ms Moose doesn’t have time for this nonsense, as it quickly approaching last call. Copper Pipe, having taken the form of what the narrator guesses is either a cowboy or a gangsta, (as it turns out, both groups saunter and strut in a similar fashion) makes his way to the bar and taps out “.-.. .- … - / -.-. .- .-.. .-..” [Last Call - ED]. Only misunderstanding two letters, Canada realizes that this fight has taken the better part of all night, and politely informs Ms Moose that It is in fact, last call. As both Ms Moose and Canada walk up to the bar to place their orders, The Twins exit the rift in time that apparently went forward. Propelled by blood lust and physics, The Twins crash into the bar, and the resulting explosion would make Michael Bay say “too much. Less explosion”
Ms Moose doesn’t look at the explosion, finally fulfilling her dream of being an action movie star. Canada can’t stop staring, fulfilling his dream of being an action movie sidekick. The Twins, being in a protective bowl of water that was protected by tachyons, were unharmed, but got a great light show in the process.
Truly Frustrated, Ms Moose has had enough of these shenanigans. Calling a a flatbed Cab, she rounds up her compatriots and goes off in search of another bar.

Will our brave protagonists ever find solace? or at least a quiet drink? and what of the Bartender? find out in the next thrilling installment.

Chapter 5 (clever title that is both ambiguous and makes sense at the same time)

2011-01-19T01:25:00.003-06:00

Ms Moose manages to collect herself just in time to dodge a kick from the guy in the moose costume (who formerly had nothing to do with the story but now is a central plot thingy). she looks over to Canada, who is busy trying to relay orders to the ducks, but failing almost hilariously. the copper pipe, having rolled himself into a spring like shape (but not quite a spring) [im beginning to think that the narrator is an idiot - ED] rolls ominously toward the moose costume guy as if to do horrible things to him. Meanwhile, the fish twins are busy figuring out living arrangements now that they share a fish bowl. When all of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a flying boot. Ms Canada winks at the twins as we cut to the Manager unconcious outside in a heap. as it turns out, both Ms Moose and Moose costume guy both thought it was low to steal a sentient fish’s only form of locomotion. after the cease fire was over, (having lasted all of three minutes), Ms Moose and Moose Costume Guy stare each other down anime syle, with action lines courtesy of the Copper Pipe and Canada and run at each other in super slow mo. [yup. the narrator is an idiot - ED] Taylor begins to work that boot furiously as Geoffry begins the arduous task of constructing weaponry from a fishbowl. giving up on that for being a ridiculously bad idea, He realizes that he still has the Potato Peeler of Girth (a gift from the Bartender who could only speak in double entendres). Geoffry Yells “CHARGE!” and they begin the attack. all the while, Canada and the copper pipe are trying to get a swarm of ducks (three full flocks and a few strays who had nothing better to do on a tuesday night) to attack a guy who looks like russel brand. Copper Pipe is tapping furiously “--. . - / .... .. -- / -.-- --- ..- / ..-. --- --- .-.. ... / .-- .... .- - / .. ... / ... --- / .... .- .-. -.. / .- -... --- ..- - / - .... .. ... / - .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. .----. - / ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. “ [GET HIM YOU FOOLS WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THIS THAT YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND - ED] and Canda, wh has no idea what just happened, falls on on the ground and gets a nasty goose egg on his forehead. In an uncharacteristic flash of brillinace, Canada goes for his trusty duck call, only to find it missing. Moose Costume Guy looks at him sheepishly and says “Looking for this? MUAHAHAHAHAHURK” seeing an opportunity, Ms Moose takes the opening and runs into Moose Costume guy at a brisk speed. by this time, The Twins catch up to the fray, and decide that they have to put their four cents (get it? 4 cents because there are two of them? this is comedy gold people)[i’m sorry for that. it seems our humble narrator might have actually snapped. i think im going to put him to bed now. - ED]

What will happen next to our Brave heroes? will the mighty potato peeler finally peel something? tune in next time to find out.

Chapter Four, in which the narrator figures a thing or two out.

2010-10-10T16:10:00.000-05:00

Chapter Four, in which the narrator figures a thing or two out.
When last we left the Fish(es) (s)He was looking for a half water half beer, and having to teach a New Jerseyan how to peel potatoes. “first of all”, Taylor mused almost to himself(herself) “you don’t use a shoe.(now to The Manager) Second, and just as important, was that one of mine?” as it turns out, Taylor only wears one shoe at a time, as (s)he locomotes on a skate board and has a shoe on a stick gondola style. The Manager, ashamed to admit that yes, it was in fact, Taylor's shoe, runs. which is very rude, considering that the manager not only had one of Taylor's shoes, but had just used it to beat the bartender over the head, rendering him unconscious, and thus incapable of serving Taylor a half and half. Taylor, who at this point has had enough of this nonsense, leaves and tries to attempt to rejoin her comrades Ms. Moose and senor Canada. This proves more difficult than originally anticipated, because, as those of you who have read the previous chapter will know, Senor Canada and Ms Moose are busy trying to fight off a dude in a moose costume who has very little to do with the story. Taylor goes off in search of Senor Canada, trying to remember the locations of all the country friendly bars in the city. The only one that comes to mind is a bad honky tonk just the other side of the county line. Taylor the Fish realizes that this a really far way away to travel on a skate board. Suddenly, and without forethought from the narrator, The original Ms Moose comes flying through the wall. Taylor the Fish is all sorts of confused, and realizes that Bar #1 was on the county line, and was right next door the the aforementioned honky tonk. Following Ms Moose back into the fracas, Taylor realizes that (s)he does in fact, only exist in the mind of a delusional 20 year old suffering from sleep deprivation. during the meta moment, the narrator uses the resulting confusion to catch The Boy Taylor trying to switch places with Girl Taylor, who is having Emo Kid Levels of confusion and existential angst. Indulge if you will the narrator, who needs to take a moment to straighten out his creation.
Narrator:Hey!
Taylor: holy crap, what did you do to My sister?
Narrator: she is having a moment of existential angst. I'll edit it out on one condition.
Taylor: ANYTHING!!! just make her happy again
Narrator:Quit switching places. I'm tired of having to write this story gender neutral.
Taylor:OK. But we Both get to be in the story from here on out.
Narrator:Deal. Your new name is now Geoffrey.
Geoffrey(formerly Taylor):OK. You win. Now how are you going to fix my sister?
Narrator: simple. watch this.[the following has been submitted in red pen, which is used to denote a change which supersedes the indicated sentence(s)-ED]
Following Ms Moose back into the Fracas, Taylor realizes that her abuse of the narrator has been petty and small, and seeks to make it right. She calls her brother and says "Taylor, this needs to stop." Boy Taylor says "I know. From Here on out, my name is Geoffrey". To which Taylor replied, "Good Name Geoff. Now, let's go kick some zombie butt."[end revision-ED] Geoffrey replied, Wait! we can't. The Manager has our Butt Kicking shoe"(diminished chord)
OH No! What will happen to our intrepid travelers? after all this work getting back together? what will happen? and will Ms Moose Ever get a drink?
We might find out in chapter 5, we might not. Stay Tuned.

Chapter 3, in which Ms Moose and Canada might finally find a drink. (or not. im not sure yet)

2010-10-04T01:04:00.000-05:00

Ms. Moose promptly replied to Canada and the copper pipe “BRAINS!”
to which Copper Pipe replied “.... --- .-.. -.-- / -.-. .-. .- .--. / .- / --.. --- -- -... .. . !” [Holy Crap a zombie!-ed] Canada is, at this point terribly confused, because, it being cold for most of his life (blah blah blah i know, parts of Canada get warm{ish}during the summer, i don’t care I'm basing this on my high school physics teacher who was from Iqaluit, and he said it never got above 50 Fahrenheit) has never seen a zombie. to make matters worse, he still only knows the first half of the Morse alphabet, and the first syllable of “zombie”is comprised of letters he doesn’t know (for some reason he learned numbers first, i use half liberally). Copper pipe has to spell it out for him, using only letters that appear before “m” The copper pipe, tired from having to beat what the narrator imagines is it’s head on the floor, taps out this pattern “-.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / -.- .. .-.. .-..” [kill, repeated-ED] Canada finally figures it out and whips out his trusty weapon of choice, a duck whistle and calls all the ducks to him, as is his nature. the ducks flock to Ms Moose, who as it turns out, was merely Ms Moose’s evil twin MECHA RUSSEL BRAND who as it turns out was really just some dude who has nothing to do with the Story, he just put on a moose costume. Ms Moose stepped out during the break in the narration, thinking she had time to visit the little moose’s room. She was sadly mistaken. while we wait for Ms. moose to return, let’s check back in on Taylor. (you know what, I'm going to break the fourth wall for a moment.
Narrator:Hey Taylor!
Taylor: what’s up narrator?
Narrator:How do i tell Boy Fishes apart from girl fishes? I really wish i could tell.
Taylor:it’s simple, Boy fishes have boy names, and Girl Fishes have girl names.
Narrator:but...Taylor... could go either way?
Taylor:That’s what she said.
Narrator:So, which are you?
Taylor:We’re fraternal twins who switch places when you aren’t looking. ther’s one of each of us
Narrator:OK...really? i should have seen this one coming.
(the narrator is so confused he just kind of trails off here. it picks right back up in chapter four. -ED)
note from the narrator: it’s OK. it’s going to be OK. it’s all going to be OK. you couldn’t have seen that coming. it’s not like you created the characters. (the rest is too smudged with what i assume are tears)

What has become of the Bartender? What about The Manager? will our intrepid Taylor(s) ever get his(her[their]) half and half? find out next time.

a twitter update that spawned a (decreasingly) short story

2010-10-01T23:48:00.001-05:00

Chapter two
when last we left our heroes, the narrator was having an ADD moment and a flash of bigotry guilt. The Fish (whose name is Taylor, which only adds to the narrator’s confusion of gender) had just ordered a “half and half, hold the hot sauce”. Taylor was wondering what was taking so long for a simple watered down beer, hopped out of his(her? still not sure here) fishbowl and went back to pay a visit to the bartender at the Old #1 (the new #1 was being built around the corner, but kept mysteriously catching on fire). What (s)he saw, (s)he could not comprehend. the manager was trying to peel potatoes, but, being from new jersey, was having a time of it. The Bartender was trying to teach the manager how, using only double entendres. The manager was becoming more and more frustrated with The Bartender, (although, when The Manager hired The Bartender, she was aware of this odd speech impediment). Then Taylor the fish says “get out of my way, im part irish, this is genetic”(something the narrator has to say to his roommate at least once a month, regardless of the presence of potatoes). The narrator, who has grown weary of typing about a fish whose gender he can’t ascertain(a fact he continues to feel bad about[maybe he should just ask the fish how to tell-ED]) decides that this would be a good point to switch back to Ms. Moose and Senor Canada. They had just walked into the bar at which the copper pipe had found himself, who at this point was helping a frat boy shotgun beer. Our intrepid heroes throw open the swinging doors (only to realize that they are spring loaded) and promptly are hit in their respective faces. after that bit of schadenfreude, the copper pipe comes up to them and says “.-- . .-.. .-.. / .... . -.-- / - .... . .-. . / .. / -.. .. -.. -. .----. - / . -..- .--. . -.-. - / - --- / ... . . / -.-- --- ..- / --. ..- -.-- ... / ... --- / ... --- --- -.” (duh he would talk in Morse code, copper pipes don’t have mouths. also he moves by bending himself into various shapes, i guess. use your imaginations) [translation “well hey there i didn't expect to see you guys so soon”-ED] Ms moose starts to reply when she realizes that she doesn’t know morse code. She turns to Canada, who only knows the first half of the morse alphabet, having used up his thirty days on the free trial. he takes a stab at it, and gets it right. Ms. Moose says we’re sorry we told you to get bent. Canada (and the narrator for that matter) finally gets that, and again, doubles over laughing. Ms moose, who has been on several adventures with Canada, smacks him upside the head with her hoof. (moose have hooves, right? im not sure anymore).
To hear the reply, you will have to wait for part three.

a twitter update that spawned a short story

2010-10-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

A Moose, Canada, a copper tube, and a 17 year old fish walk into a bar. The bartender says "the fish can stay, but i dont want the rest of your kind here." So, the moose and Canada tell the copper tube to go get bent, (because canada can't tell male moose apart from female moose, and is too polite to swear in front of what he assumes is a lady) and go off to find some cheap thrills. Canada suggests a hockey game, but the moose will have none of it. (As it turns out, it was a female moose, and apparently girl moose don't like hockey). the moose then suggests that they find another bar, and Canada is all wait, you can talk? at this point the moose is a little frustrated, because she wants to get her drink on. The Moose says "yes i can talk, but then again, you are canada, so yeah. Maple syrup or something. pretend i said a joke." Then, Canda, who is all sorts of unshakeable, and very polite, pretends that the moose said a really funny joke, and doubles over laughing. The moose is at this point, terribly confused, and even more thirsty. She proceeds to verbally berate Canada, and then the two go looking for a bar. at the next one they find Mr Copper pipe, who is very busy imbibing beer and sharing it with the frat boy behind him. at this point, the narrator grows weary of the antics of Ms. Moose and Senor Canada, switches the tale back to the 17 year old fish (who shall remain genderless because the narrator can't tell fish genders, and feels like a horrible bigot for it) and we find him in bar #1(a title that explains the snobbiness regarding countries and large mammals) drinking tap water mixed with beer. (fishes are light weights.) fish then says to the bartender "hi" can i get another half and half, this time hold the hot sauce"

WHat will become of our noble group of intrepid souls searching for a good time?
tune in next time to find out.

Fear

2010-07-26T15:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I put up two of the best mixes of my career. I'm not just saying that because I think that I am awesome. I say that because for the first time in months, people came up to me and said so. Usually, they go up to Louis and tell him that everything sounded good, and I hear it second-hand. Then in CR I had even more people comment the mix. Here's the thing though. I was exhausted. not just tired, Exhausted. This got me thinking. It took me a while, but i figured it out. In my exhaustion, i was too tired to care. I had lost the fear of failure. yesterday should have sounded like crap. It didn't, because i wasn't afraid to suck. When we lose that fear, we achieve amazing results. But by losing that fear, we leave ourselves open to pride. I don't have it figured out, but if i don't get it down I'm gonna lose it.

More good stuff here Kids

2010-07-18T15:10:00.006-05:00

Ok, so you know those big pencils and big crayons and big magic markers you used in Kindergarten and First grade, and maybe second if you felt like it? well, i never could use those, i had to use normal everything,because I am in fact awesome. Or it could be because of this

Glad i could help.

Faces in Places

2010-07-17T18:05:00.013-05:00

So, i have this habit of seeing faces in inanimate objects. It's kind of debilitating. So, to cope i find things that i see to have a face and i put "finishing touches" on them. So i set out with some scrap paper and a sharpie, and I put a face on a copier

A Jacob Sanders-worthy pun

Then there was the video Camera

"Hey Doc, does this look bad to you?"
then the Doctor says "HOLY SHNIKES what is a cyclops doing in my office?"

and then I said to myself "Wait a tic, (because when i do faux-art stuff like this i speak Brit) I have Photoshop." so i started photoshoping them. Here they are, in their glory.

This one I was all 'cheer up emo kid'

Look at this guy. He has no idea where he is or how he got there, but he is all sorts of excited about doling out coffee

Not a face, so much as something i have wanted to so since i came on staff

This is the face of an inanimate object that loves his job.

This guy's all "Wait, is something on my face? Get it off! GET IT OFF!"

I think I'm happier with the paper ones, but that was work.

Thursdays

2009-11-05T10:04:00.003-06:00

So, yeah. I hate Thursdays. Like Jason Brown hates Clowns. Anywho, so yeah. Today was a classic example of a Thursday. I woke up late, and ran to work. after that, i realized that i was out of coffee. the good stuff, and all that the station had was some half caff nonsense, i don't know. And then i called Kristi to make sure she wasn't sick or anything, and she says she is on her way. not ten minutes later, i get a voicemail, as my phone gets no signal in the studio, and wouldn't you know it, Kristi's car broke down on the side of the road. i call her back, (which requires going outside) and she says she might have a ride, maybe not. i freak out, and go into what i like to call "instinctive batman" mode, and i call everyone i need to call, but for some reason, i do this in a low sort of growl, and it was very batman-ish. well, i couldn't get ahold of the backup, so we get ready to air yesterday's show, and with 20 minutes to go, Kristi strolls in. so, we get ready to do the show live, and with seven minutes to go, we have a quick power outage. great. anyway, we get the computers back up and running. and do the show. That's the kind of day that I'm having. it's not over, not by a long shot. How do you guys handle days like that?

Something Was/Is Off.

2009-07-12T11:05:00.003-05:00

So, today I had the privilege of running sound in our Early Traditional Communion service. I love the Old Folks, i love being Blessed by taking communion from John Coomer (My Yoda, because everyone needs a Yoda). But something was missing. and i realized what it is. Dean. Dean Maggard. Dean was the greeter/communion setter-upper. He died last week. Dean had this voice, it was a great old fashioned radio voice, kind of like a John Houseman meets James Earl Jones thing. It wasn't the 8:15 without Dean saying at least Hi. He always had something nice to say. I'm going to miss him. more than i can adequately describe. His funeral is Monday, and it will be one of if not the hardest funeral that i have ever done. if you get second or two, Pray for Kittye, his wife. she was also generally awesome, and his longtime partner in crime. i can't imagine what she is going through right now. Also, if you don't mind, i'll take a few prayers if you don't mind, because like I said, the one's gonna be tough. But through all of this, I need to remember that God is good, all the time.

creepy

2009-03-31T11:22:00.002-05:00

ok, so i have this recurring night mare,
a midget clown is chasing me with a cartoonishly large knife, and i can't escape not matter what i do sometimes i stand and fight, sometimes i just keep running, but i never make it he always stabs me and then i wake up
If anyone has any ideas, let me know.
i tried Googling it, but i only came up with generic stuff about the clown being a stranger. Seriously, if anyone can help, that would be great. Thanks.

2009-01-19T11:39:00.002-06:00

Starting Today, just as an experiment, i am going to document all the time that i spend on hold or talking to customer service people, just because i can. today, i have spent a total of 32 minutes with one company, and will try another line, hoping to get a real person.
wish me luck.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T09:10:00.000-06:00

All of us (me) here at AITM (acronyms make everything cooler, don't they?) would like to wish both of our (my) loyal readers a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.

Firsts

2008-10-12T20:29:00.000-05:00

this was a weekend of firsts for me. for starters, it was the first wedding i have ever taken part in with a harmonica player. It was also the first time i have ever played in the 9:30 service. i had played in CR a couple of times, but in front of people i knew, which was almost a safety net. This time it was in front of 400 people. it was exhilarating, i can't wait for another chance. after that, the CR service, where i played again, the same two songs plus one. All the time, God is good.

Wow

2008-09-21T22:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, so tonight, i attended worship with 169 Mogulus users that i have never met. Worship was led by Carlos Whittaker, (here). It was Awesome. the video can be found here. Yeah, if you were not worshiping, you don't have a pulse. 'Nuff Said.

Epic Fail...Or...Gravity and the Physiological Response

2008-08-28T09:49:00.000-05:00

So yeah, i was turning right on to Marylan, on my way to class, and my right bike pedal comes off. Just pops off. OFF O-F-F OFF. and .87 seconds later, me being captain balance, i join my pedal. resulting in this

and this

thank goodness professor Pulsinelli had tape

Stuff Happens

2008-07-01T20:02:00.000-05:00

Did you ever have one of those days?

mine was 48 hours long, and ended in a funeral. We expected the funeral to be huge, so we spend the better part of Monday morning getting the MAC ready to simulcast from the sanctuary. we line everything up, get the signal flowing the way we want it, and then we don't even use it. but what we really want to do is record the ceremony to a DVD. the picture quality was amazing, but we had one problem. There was no Audio on the DVD. the one problem we didn't test for and anticipate happened. so i was a little mad. and then i thought about it for a second, and i kept coming back to the bumper sticker guy from Forest Gump. S@#t happens. there is nothing one can do about it, we are only humans. So what do we do? mull it over and be mad?

Or do we Learn from it and try not to make the same mistake?

Ink

2008-06-27T13:23:00.000-05:00

It finally happened. I got a tattoo. Wes Carter is the Best.
For pictures, click here

Its really over

2008-06-21T14:42:00.000-05:00

So there i was, at Wally world, and i saw three people i went to high school with.

And i realized, its really over. one guy i sat next to in English, i barely said hi to. a month ago we would have stopped and talked about class. now, nothing.

the dilemma, is that a good thing or not?

God is Good all the Time

2008-06-15T19:55:00.000-05:00

So there i was, getting ready for C.R., and the rehearsal was Mediocre at best, and we get in there and the band leader, Wendell says "Jesus, we need your help," and we all start snickering

Because it was true. Well, he listened, and the Set was Awesome. Everything clicked, the mix was good, Wendell, Rick, and Brian were in a groove, and the singers were in a special place i can only dream of.

All the time, God is Good